I Miss Swearing

I knew that this whole being the mama gig would entail some sacrifices.  

(Roo signing hat while I'm thinking WTF (What The Fandango) about the playground equipment.)

Booze? Curtailed. 

Drugs? (I’m talking decongestants people, get your mind out of the gutter.) Not while breast feeding. 

Rock and roll? Definitely at a lower volume than ever before. 

Sex? Hey there, this is a family blog! 

It is the censoring that's getting me. 

When I was a teacher, I had all kinds of creative euphemisms for a good old fashioned swear word.  I told my students that swearing was just an lazy way of communicating. That they were more articulate than swear words made them. 

I was lying through my teeth.

There is nothing quite like a good swear word. It's juicy and ripe and just lovely in its simplicity. 

It makes a stubbed toe feel better. A tailgater lose his power. It makes that little spinning wheel on the computer turn faster. It gives emphasis in a way that "quotes" or italics or bold or ALL CAPS just can’t muster.

Pistols and dolphins.

Cheese and rice.

Eff.

Doodles.

Bleeder.

Such......sorry......alternatives. 

Now, when Roo goes to sleep and the Mister and I have our Hulu Plus bonding time, I swear.

I swear like a sailor. I swear like a Tarantino movie. I swear with gusto, panache, and a kind of enthusiasm that makes me want to find out the etymology of my favorites and make infographics about them. 

I swear more in the hour and a half before I go to bed than I think I did the year and a half before she was born. 

Like the terrible twos, I’m sure this will pass. In the meantime, I need some new non-swear words--got any to share?

Cheese and rice,

Danielle